A soul waiting to exhale


Today’s blog will be different from my normal. In honor of the Suicide prevention awareness month, I will be sharing one of my stories. I do warn anyone who continues to read, my story has some graphic content. This is a huge deal for me to share. I do appreciate positive feedback. If you need someone to talk to, you can always contact me. You’re not alone.

This story is about me finding my spark and shining light on the real me. As you read, my story goes deep inside me, through the blood that runs in my veins, to the beat that flows to my heart. My story goes back into my past, so please don’t hold it against me. I hope you see how I became me.

When I was younger, I grew up in a single parent home, just my mom and I. Where I lived there weren’t many kids to play with or talk to. When I started elementary school, I thought I made a lot of friends. But things didn’t go well. Those so-called friends weren’t really  my friends. Backstabbing, lies and a lot of he said/ she said drama. They wanted someone to blame for their mistakes and I was that person. They started calling me names and they treated me like dirt. It seemed like it went on forever, it was plain torture. I talked to one of my friends at school. I told her I was done and I was ready to die. But the next day she turned on me, just like the rest of them.

In that moment, I knew I was really alone, that really pushed me to the edge. One day after school, I was home alone and I was sitting on my  kitchen floor with a knife in my left hand. I was crying non stop, my soul was bleeding from the wounds of being hurt. My heart was going 100 mph. I kept running through words, I wanted to write down in a note to my mom. But somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye. At that second, I was ready to be done with life. As I raised my right wrist to the knife. In that moment, Something told me to STOP! I came to my senses and asked myself, am I really going to end my life, because of people?! I stood up and cleared my face. I told myself, I am starting over. from here on out, I will not allow anyone to bring me down.

Here I am today, I could care less about what people say about me. I know who I am. And for those people who treated me like I was nothing, I forgave them. In order to move on, I had to forgive. People’s negative comments and nasty attitudes became my drive to keep living and proving them wrong.

It hurts to see these young kids and teens, Even adults killing themselves. That’s why I try to inspire as many people as I can. The best thing you can do is just shake it off and move on. You may think I’m weird, but I am happy that I went through the pain, it has changed my life. I am happy and free. I can now close this chapter in my book and live my life to the fullest.

I wrote this story for my summer class when I was 14. We had to reflect on a moment that changed us. This story came from the 8 year old me. Although there is more darker stuff that went along with this story, I think you had enough for one blog post. The moral of this story is,  to love yourself, even when you find it hard.  Life is worth living. If you need someone to talk to, I am here. If I can save one life, I can truly say I lived my  life to the fullest. My heart goes out to anyone who has someone to suicide.

” After a every storm, A rainbow follows. Keep going”

                                       – Annonoymous



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