To him

I’m placing a trigger warning here.

Please understand my blogs are meant to help and bring light. Unfortunately, sometimes things are too intense to do as such. If you’re still healing with some hidden issues, I hope this will help you to speak up or help you move on.


She was about 7 years old when she noticed him taking interest in her. He was around in his 40’s and semi tall. He wore this strong smelling cologne her mother loved.

It started as a touch/feel on her body.  Then, it escalated to sexual encounters.  He took every opportunity to get his needs when her mother left to go shower. He knew her mother had a serious drinking problem. He brought alcohol to get her mother drunk so he could proceed with her child. He felt the child’s brain up, making her believe what he did was okay.  Of course, she was only an 8 year old, barely, to know it was sick. He made her feel that was what a father love would feel like. (Although he was not her biological father, her mother had him try to play the role).

So for years, he proceeded this relationship with her. At one point the mother started to question what was going on after catching him feel on her daughter’s bottom while they were looking for a ball that rolled under the stove. Her mother did question her child after awhile but, of course, the child denied it. The child was afraid that her mother would turn on her. He made sure not to do any serious damage that could get him caught up when she went to the doctor’s appointment. She turned 15 and finally stood up to him. Expressing her feelings of stopping his desires for her. She took upon herself to give him the note.  He was livid.  He yelled at her about the note. He said “why would you write this, your mother could’ve found this and she would be mad”. After that day he backed away.  He still came around because of the mom. But she could tell he was not happy and couldn’t stand the girl moving on with life. When he found out that she was set to be married. He was pissed and tried to lecture her. It seemed as if he knew what he wanted was being taken from him.

Anyway,  she dealt with the aftermath for years.  Dealing with toxic men, feeling disgusted with her body.  Until a man who came along helped her see the true beauty in herself and, in fact, a man could actually love her and not be a sick man.  He vowed to be with her during her process of fully healing.

To the man that took her innocence away.  She is now bigger than him. He will no longer hold a piece of her life in his hands anymore.  She is happy and will do everything in her power to help others deal with this type of emotional trauma.

If you haven’t guessed it. The girl is me. I have dealt with enough trauma in my life and this is only the start. I did not state who he was out of privacy of myself. If you have such experiences like this and would like a shoulder to cry on.  I am always here. I will never get back to that time of my life. But it’s okay, I have a future to live for.

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