All of my old blogs from my past website are listed below. As well as my new ones! I hope you all enjoy. My journey continues.
Once, I moved to the east coast, I thought it was a good time to start looking into my GED again. The area I use to live offered adult high school. I signed up to go back in the fall, since I ended up moving further away I found a GED night school near by. After two months of doing the night school and the online program that they offered, I realized that I couldn’t get the material and all my self doubt started coming again.
Around April, I decided that it was time to quit and possibly comeback in September. If you haven’t read my recent health blog update, you should go back and see what had transpired durning those past few months.(Okay, back to that day ) I went in to tell my teacher I was quitting, before I could say so, my teacher automatically had a test for me to do since we were a month out from the end of the school year we a had to take a test to show how much we had learn during our time.
That’s where it all began, after passing that test and showing how much I improved, my teacher told me to hop on and take my GED practice test for social studies and science. Which I did and I passed, that evening she ask for me to take the reading and language arts at home in on our online program. She said once I passed those, I could get my GED practice test for that section. ( which I did pass). Two days before I headed Washington I passed my 3rd GED practice. My teacher submitted a request for my GED vouchers to take actual test for all three.
The last few weeks of April, I knocked out my science and social studies of the official test. My goals were to take the third test and comeback in September for the final test which was math. Well, during the second to last week of school, my teacher push me to start on my math. She said I had a 75% chance of completing the math by the end of May if started now and I took the extra class they offered once school was over . Even though, I still had language arts to do, I decided to work for 3 days straight putting hours through the online program for math. I went to school the next following week, took my GED practice for math and passed. My teacher gave me the voucher on that following Thursday two days before my test on Saturday.
Well it dawned on me that, I should take it sooner, since next Saturday was booked. I know they say , don’t take a test back to back….But I did. I schedule my test for that Friday at night for math ( I almost crapped my pants once I got my score) After my test scores came and showed I passed math. I could help but cry for joy, I knew I still had one more test to go, but I still was excited that one of the toughest subjects for me was finally over. The next day I woke up ready to take on my last test. I went in with my head held high and left the same way, my nerves were all over the place wanting to know my result.
After a long hour and half, my result was in and there it was…
Not only was I happy, but I was in shocked that I finally did it. That weight lifted off my shoulders and my spirit could move freely again. I have never been so proud in myself outside of my family until now. Although it took me 6 years to get over that mental blocker, I still accomplished one of my biggest goals.
I could not thank my teacher enough for that day she pushed me to take those tests. I just recently told her my original plan to quit and she said that even though she didn’t have the slightest idea of my plan, she is happy that she pushed to me to finish those tests that day. One thing about my teacher, she is one of the good one’s that actually care about education.
To end on that note, I hope my story can be an inspiration to someone who needs it. I hope that in anything that you do you push to see it through. Life is not easy, but everything you go through is worth. I never thought I would have this moment and say I did it. The greatest reward was hearing my daughter clapping and jumping shouting my name as I walked across the stage at my graduation. I did this for myself and for her.
Part 3 coming soon!
I would like to give you all a back story on why I didn’t receive my diploma when I finished high school in 2013.
After suffering 12 years of public education, I didn’t do the best in school. Between my personal life, dealing with high school drama, and more, I wasn’t motivated at all. And when I did try it, I wasn’t good enough.
During my last year in high school, I ran around making sure I met the requirements to graduate on time, like any other 12th graders. For some of you who are not in Washington State, the state (along with a few other states across) requires all 12th graders to take the state exams (reading, writing, science and math) and a completed portfolio project in order to graduate. Additionally, each student had to ensure to have all of high school credits required for graduation.
As you can see, it can be quite stressful for a high school student who was already going through a lot. I had most requirements in order but couldn’t pass the state math test. My counselor tried to help with an alternative option, where he tried to replace the required test score with my grade in math, but I didn’t get a high grade to trump the math test. My last and only option was to take the math test again and to hope I passed. In the meantime, I was still able to walk at graduation since I met the rest of graduation requirements .
I took the test again and I walked across the stage with the rest of my classmates. Just in case you didn’t know, you don’t actually get the diploma paper until school is out for summer. I went back to school around the third week of June to get my diploma, not knowing I didn’t pass the math test. I learned I didn’t pass the math and I couldn’t get my diploma. I was upset and felt incompetent when I walked away with nothing.
I did go back and see my old high school counselor to try to figure what I could do. To be honest, my head wasn’t in the game but I still wanted to give it a shot. My counselor agreed that I should attend community college because once I graduated with an AA (Associate), then my high school diploma would not matter. I tried community college, but I wasn’t stable at all. I ended up quitting community college. From that point on, my focus had shifted as I started a family. I wanted to complete GED, but I could not do it on my own because I did not understand the material and I needed assistance.
At that point, I gave up because I knew I couldn’t do it. I continued my life as a mom and a wife with my family. However, it tore me apart over the years without a high school diploma.I felt like I was stupid and believed everyone who doubted me was actually right about me.
Or so I thought…To be continued!
Here is a photo from my graduation
I want to shed a light on another matter. April is the Sexual Assault Awareness month. Did you know?
Younger People Are at the Highest Risk of Sexual Violence
- Ages 12-34 are the highest risk years for rape and sexual assault.3
- Those age 65 and older are 92% less likely than 12-24 year olds to be a victim of rape or sexual assault, and 83% less likely than 25-49 year olds.4
This blog is directed to the person who decided it was okay to reach under my skirt in broad daylight.
I remember that day so clearly. It was a sunny day in April, 2015. I was full of life and I was ready to start my day. I came up with a great idea to surprise my husband at work. You see, him and I were just 2 weeks of love and being a newlywed couple. So why not surprise him. I decided to wear a skirt with stockings, a cardigan and boots. Once I was ready, I grabbed my headphones and purse and headed out. Some of you didn’t know my husband drove a stick shift car (I didn’t know how to drive that well) but I also didn’t have my license yet. So the bus was my transportation when he wasn’t around.
I was walking, enjoying my music. I felt a presence behind me. I turned and looked and noticed there was this guy walking with no shirt on and was on the phone. Although he was walking a little too close for comfort. I still turned and proceeded on my way to the bus station. In that moment I knew I should have completely stopped and let him pass. But I was determined to make it to my bus on time. With that mistake he reached and grabbed my bottom. I turned around and screamed ” Are you F..ing serious” before I could grab him he ran off. But it caught the attention of a local body shop, who saw where he ran too.
I called 911 and met an officer at the bus station. He called for a back up and they brought the k-9 as well. Cops interviewed those who were able to hear my scream. After an hour of searching, the k-9 couldn’t pick up a scent. The older officer shrugged it off and looked me as if I deserved it based on what I was wearing and the fact the guy who did it was black. He wrapped up the search. But luckily enough the first officer on the scene had a sense of compassion. He offered me a ride to meet my husband. He calmed me down durning the ride.
Every since that day, I still do not like any male presence walking behind me. I still toss and turn at night everytime that day comes.
My question to the man, Did you know?
Did you know I was pregnant?
Did you know that you left me with feeling of disgust with myself?
Did you know that the cops would look at me as if I didn’t matter because you and I were black?
Did you know I was being looked at as if I asked for it based on what I was wearing?
Did you know I cried myself to sleep that day?
Did you know that you brought me back to my childhood?
Did you know it took me awhile to feel comfortable with my husband again?
I faced quite a bit of trauma in my life. I still deal with flash backs. But the one thing I do know is you can’t silence my voice now. Not only am I stronger, but I am powerful. I will never allow someone to make me feel that way again.
Here is a direct number to the sexual assault hotline. Use your voice. My inbox is always open to chat.
Available 24 hours everyday
Below is a recap of everything I have been going through for the past few months!
I know for the past few weeks, I have been keeping this a secret. But I finally got my results. I do not have Endometrial cancer! I am excited for the good news, but again it puts me at square one of what to do with me next. During my time of dealing with the wait, I had my first round of a back injection. Let me tell you February was the most painful month. Not only did I have massive cramps and an on /off period, I had to endure a back injection in my SI joint following with a biopsy. I would rather give a birth 3 times before dealing with this painful experience again.
March: The healing month
After all my craziness in February, March became more of my healing month. But aside from the healing, I still had a few appointments this month. I met with an Oncologist for my iron deficiency issues. He agreed to do a iron infusion to catch me up and hope this would do the trick. Although this is a one time thing, he said if I have another crazy bleeding cycle ( which I will) we will follow up sooner and go from there. Following that appointment, I followed up with the pain clinic. The clinic informed I should repeat injection in both SI joint at the same time ( Not ready for that). I’m not excited about the pain I have to endure again. On the flip side I don’t have many options left. I must suck it up and handle it. I’m expected to receive this treatment at the end of April. During the last week of march I had two appointments. First was my preparation for the beginning of April. I will be going under for a simple procedure. Secondly, was for my iron infusion.
A quick update: both the iron infusion and upper endoscopy went great. I still have awhile before I can feel the difference with the iron. The iron infusion was a one time thing, unless I have my never ending bleeding cycle. Then they will agree to do this again.
So far, that is all that has transpired since January. I have a long way to go and I am not going to lose this fight. These past few months had really put me to the test. Especially knowing my life could have changed if my result showed that I had cancer. I honestly feel bad for not staying consistent but my life has been a busy train. I am determined to give you more to read. If you don’t have me on my personal FB. I now write for Women Aligned Magazine. Our launch date is May 1st. So mark your calendars!
Edit: Here is an inside look at my iron infusion
Welcome to another update on my health. I’ve been so busy and also occupied with dropping “to him.” I’m back now to give you all an update on me.
Last I had written was about my hand surgery, my back and about me not getting the help for having another child. Well, here are some more recent events. I will be listing them by months.
In November I was still healing from my surgery and discovering that I have DDD and fibromyalgia. Unfortunately, I still have yet to meet the weight requirements to continue with fertility. What also transpired is I ended up in the hospital after passing massive blood clot. Despite my blood count was significantly low, I was maintaining the blood lost and was sent home with instructions to follow up with a gynecologist.
In December my cycle continued without any break, and it definitely gave me the hardest time. I bled through my clothing articles throughout December. I continued passing blood clots in the size of orange everyday, which also led me to have a migraine for a week straight. I finally met with my primary care, and he and I came with a game plan to start a lower dose of Metformin. He also refilled my migraine medication and put in a pain management request for my back.
January I met with the Gynecologist who was definitely straight forward on what she wanted me to do. She and I did a new lab panel to retest everything. She also put me on different medications to go along with our plan. She made clear that she would like me to have a cycle every month by taking provera, a type of med that would help assist regulating a cycle. Long with iron, more metformin to up my dose and prenatals. I did the labs and it wasn’t so promising. My blood work came back and showed that I was now a 7 as supposed to being a 10 back in November. it can indicate a big red flag, especially since I’ve been anemic all my life. She scheduled me to consult with hematology. They will be the ones to investigate more into why. They also could potentially diagnose any types of a blood disorder or leukemia. On a brighter note, my liver is functioning enough to handle the metformin. Our last follow up results will be discussed in another blog. Due to its seriousness, I would rather wait to say after further testing.
I also saw a pain management specialist and he has agreed to start back injections. it was scheduled for February. Once they administer the first injection, I will follow up and see how well it will have helped me. And we will continue from there.
As you all can see, I have quite bit in the store for me. Unfortunately, february and march may be a major life changing for not just me, but my family. I will keep you all posted. Just make sure to follow my FB page for any crazy updates.
Welcome back to another Me Vs. Me post
This subject has been heavy on my mind and I’m sure many of us has gone through or currently still dealing with it.
People don’t realize that the company you keep can be toxic to your health. Toxic people can come as anyone: Your mom, dad, family or friends. Sometimes it’s hard to close the chapter on toxic people. But at the end of the day, you have to choose yourself first, even if that means you lose people that you care about.
How do I detoxify myself from toxic people? Great question. Remember it takes time to do so.
1. Make a vow/promise or even declaration to yourself on what you are no longer dealing with. one sided friendships, verbal abuse, physical threat, and everything inbetween.
2. This part here is important. Voicing your feelings to these individuals. (Though sometimes you can’t always do so). But if you can, let them know what’s up.
3. Start falling back in love with yourself. Start writing in a journal or reading a book. Maybe update you music play list with more songs about self love. Leave social media alone for awhile.
4. This is the most important part of all. Start being selective on the people you allow in your life. If they start showing you something you don’t like.. let them go. Life is too short to be dealing with something less than what you deserve.
5. Final step, get used to the fact that being alone is ok. When you depend on people to keep you a company. You start allowing the type of behaviors, which shall lead you back to the square one. Once you start being comfortable with being alone, only people worth your time will come along.
These steps are not easy, but through overtime they will get easier. When you start healing, you don’t find the need to continue blasting people who did you wrong. It’s called growth. Plus when you are constantly letting people on social media know who did you wrong, you come off as bitter and needy. Not everything is meant for social media. People who are praying your downfall will love to see you in that kind of mess. If you’re truly about the your mental serenity and growth, you will move in silence.
I’m placing a trigger warning here.
Please understand my blogs are meant to help and bring light. Unfortunately, sometimes things are too intense to do as such. If you’re still healing with some hidden issues, I hope this will help you to speak up or help you move on.
She was about 7 years old when she noticed him taking interest in her. He was around in his 40’s and semi tall. He wore this strong smelling cologne her mother loved.
It started as a touch/feel on her body. Then, it escalated to sexual encounters. He took every opportunity to get his needs when her mother left to go shower. He knew her mother had a serious drinking problem. He brought alcohol to get her mother drunk so he could proceed with her child. He felt the child’s brain up, making her believe what he did was okay. Of course, she was only an 8 year old, barely, to know it was sick. He made her feel that was what a father love would feel like. (Although he was not her biological father, her mother had him try to play the role).
So for years, he proceeded this relationship with her. At one point the mother started to question what was going on after catching him feel on her daughter’s bottom while they were looking for a ball that rolled under the stove. Her mother did question her child after awhile but, of course, the child denied it. The child was afraid that her mother would turn on her. He made sure not to do any serious damage that could get him caught up when she went to the doctor’s appointment. She turned 15 and finally stood up to him. Expressing her feelings of stopping his desires for her. She took upon herself to give him the note. He was livid. He yelled at her about the note. He said “why would you write this, your mother could’ve found this and she would be mad”. After that day he backed away. He still came around because of the mom. But she could tell he was not happy and couldn’t stand the girl moving on with life. When he found out that she was set to be married. He was pissed and tried to lecture her. It seemed as if he knew what he wanted was being taken from him.
Anyway, she dealt with the aftermath for years. Dealing with toxic men, feeling disgusted with her body. Until a man who came along helped her see the true beauty in herself and, in fact, a man could actually love her and not be a sick man. He vowed to be with her during her process of fully healing.
To the man that took her innocence away. She is now bigger than him. He will no longer hold a piece of her life in his hands anymore. She is happy and will do everything in her power to help others deal with this type of emotional trauma.
If you haven’t guessed it. The girl is me. I have dealt with enough trauma in my life and this is only the start. I did not state who he was out of privacy of myself. If you have such experiences like this and would like a shoulder to cry on. I am always here. I will never get back to that time of my life. But it’s okay, I have a future to live for.