The Rotten womb

“Most of you know I’m still struggling to have another child. Before people start judging me or tell me to enjoy life while I can, I would like to clear the air as to why this is not easy for me to cope with. I’ve always wanted to have a big family, and I never thought having children would be an issue. I conceived my first without any problems, though during the pregnancy, I went through hell and back. But now that time has passed, now I’m starting to feel it is becoming impossible (just my opinion). The only people that know how it feels are the actual women that deal with this everyday. “

It’s crazy to know that paragraph above was written a year ago. If I would have known that this journey was going to be even harder, I probably would have better prepared myself for this bumpy ride.

(I’m highly aware that a woman’s worth is not determined by the fact whether she can bare children or not). Moving along.

I know some are wondering about the tittle I picked, “The Rotten Womb.” Here’s why (and no I don’t mean it literally). I just feel that’s the best way to convey dealing with fertility.

We always hear success stories about conceiving. Most stories give us a snippet of the struggle they faced during that process. I haven’t really seen people speak more deeply about these moments of the process. For instance, feeling defeated or the times that you have yelled and screamed at frustration. I know some have called their wombs rotten for not being able to carry. I, myself, held my stomach and weep in silence at times, wondering what have I done to have so much pain. The truth of the matter is PCOS was the culprit. Yes, I was able to conceive one child who I love so dearly. But not having that control or a choice on when I want to have another one is the most devastating issue for me.

If that isn’t bad enough, another frustrating part about fertility is when people say “Don’t worry it will happen” or “stop stressing over it.” Well, unfortunately women like me can’t have a relaxing moment. Here’s why:

For one, the standard before fertility treatment is you have to try for 2 years before seeking help. (It can vary)
Secondly, once you get referred or find your own clinic. You have to deal with multiple visits before receiving treatment.
Thirdly, once you start the treatment. You have to monitor everything!!!! Basal temperature, ovulation test strips, blood work (if required by your specialist), ultrasounds, timed intercourse, the two week wait and the pure excitement when you think you have made it.
Lastly, once that is out the way. You have to deal with the disappointment of not conceiving that cycle and starting again. This doesn’t apply to everyone, some are successful first time around.

There is no peace about dealing with fertility. If you don’t know how to comfort someone with words. Maybe create a basket or find a sweet card. Sometimes a hug would will do (During this pandemic, you will have to improvise on the person to person contact).

I know the title of this blog hits even harder for the women who are like me or dealing with far worse complications. That is why I am here. I am here to speak the things most women cannot even utter. I am here for those who silently cry to themselves. I am here for those who pray for a chance. I am here to educate those who are not affected by this problem. I am here with a purpose.

I’m not here to make able women feel bad. Like I stated in my FB post, “if you’re able to have children, cherish that.” We sometimes take things for granted. My post here is to describe the pain, suffering of those who cannot seem to find the courage to share.

Until next time, stay sane, stay true and stay you!

That Cyster Girl

The Rotten womb

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The Rotten womb

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