The Darkness of the Mind

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       Nobody tells you that the pain would be beyond physical, I never thought I would find myself in such a dark space. Everyday it’s internal battle with myself, some days I feel hopeless and other days I feel drained. I don’t know how many times I kept saying I wanted to give up on this battle and on life. Yes, you read that right. I said life… Most of you don’t know how it feels to know that there is something wrong with you and every doctor you go to doesn’t seem to value your life and just pushes you to the side. Some of you guys don’t know what it is like to deal with this, while raising a toddler and constantly having a spouse who leaves quite often. I’ve put in every effort to keep my life together, but sometimes super hero’s gets tired. Every time I look at my daughters face, she gives me life to keep pushing. All those moments I’ve cried and broke down and she would come running with hugs and kisses, I could see in her eyes that everything will be okay. It’s amazing how God can use  people.

  I know we all deal with stuff and we hide it in fear that we will look weak to the world. But in reality we are just doing more harm to ourselves. That’s why its important to check on your love ones, even if you just ask if they are okay. It’s still better than watching them deal with whatever on their own. We are in this day in age where suicide is the new norm or self harm. Trust I have dealt with both, but I have turn my self harm into tattoos. People think self harm and suicide is an act for attention or just being selfish. At the same time this is also coming from the same people who are also just watching individuals cry out for help and just turning the other cheek. If you have never been so low in life or stuck so deep inside your mind like a prisoner, then you shouldn’t judge so harshly. Killing yourself is not the answer, but at the same time I understand. If you don’t have at least two safe friends to talk to, your mind gets the best of you. Remember your life is important and whomever you are, if you feel that no one loves you or cares about your existent, I do. I may not know who you are. But you matter to me. We as people need to bring down the suicide rate, we can’t save everyone, but we can do better by being there for those who need us the most.

  life is so precious and we as people often forget that. With that being said, don’t wait until that girl is close to killing herself, to stop bullying her. Don’t wait until your homie finishes a whole case of beer to take his keys away. Don’t wait until your friend finishes her last text for you to take her phone, so she can pay attention to the road. Guys don’t wait until it’s too late to do something or check on someone.

If you need someone don’t hesitate to call:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number
  • 1-800-273-8255

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